it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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