Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
