plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
