batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
