I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
