he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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