Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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