Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
nutella sex= disaster
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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