eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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