It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
