True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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