the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
