you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
