apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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