We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
