Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
