Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What a dumb baby whore.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
