defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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