When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
