dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
