Farmville is her only friend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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