I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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