Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
