I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
two words: eviction party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
