it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
