I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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