Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
