dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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