im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
