I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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