The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
