Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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