i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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