Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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