The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
