I smell stomach acid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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