true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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