At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
