Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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