There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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