man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
