As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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