i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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