we're blogging at a bar
This girl is more easily done than said...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
