Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
