Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
