Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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