The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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