hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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