Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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