i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
