He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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