sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
