How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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