so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
