Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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