Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
