I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
