and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
