Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
