a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You left your phone here
Wait...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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