SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
