yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
