How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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