You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
