Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
