You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
In America we eat man semen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
