i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
