I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
