I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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