where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
