We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
