Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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