Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
