white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
